I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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