You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
your like the ambassador to my penis.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
