I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
