She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
