Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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