I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
