Jerry, you need to find god
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
