Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
