so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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