I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
