Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
