Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
