i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
