I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
