I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
