i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
