I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
