how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
