i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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