Just mADE A PArabola og urine
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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