the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
