It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
