I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
