My nipple is on Facebook.
You can't special order awesome
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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