oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
