he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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