she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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