is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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