How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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