My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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