so that wasnt chicken after all
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
