Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
