I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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