I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
