i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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