Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
