But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
