At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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