Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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