he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
