I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
