Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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