he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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