It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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