the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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