We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
