So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's blow job season.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
