I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
