Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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