So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
