New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
