Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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