I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
