Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
