you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
