I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
