Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
