Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
