; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
