Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
