So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
