i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
