Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
