Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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