The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
