Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
