i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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