There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
