he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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