I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
