I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
