Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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