super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
