my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize