"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
