I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
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the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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