I am in a vortex of obligation.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
