we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
